4-9 (of 17)

4. 

 

My car won't start 

my car never starts 

my hands melt through the metal of the engine block 

these crude knuckles only make right angles 

I can make it sing 

massage the lung gaskets 

for a while everything is okay 

it doesn't seem so reluctant 

like I might be able to guilt it into function 

it says no politely 

the film projector in my chest tries to pat my back 

 

5.

 

I never slept outside 

the serpent shaped trees and all the insects and all the flowers would be too scared 

the chainsaws under my fingernails are kept quiet 

but sometimes they don’t much care what I want them to do 

 

6.

 

somebody is on the intercom again 

I'm being given directions 

but I'm not receiving directions 

the elbows hidden under my biceps imagine their day 

it involves a lot of not bending so nobody will stare at me 

they're still happier than you would think 

 

7.

 

flickering gray and white and black and gray 

maybe a heartbeat 

 

8.

 

definitely a heartbeat 

the hearts at the bottoms of your legs 

one cloth sarcophagus apiece 

keep going like this 

the turtles will never get their rest 

the whole city sighs relief at a crosswalk  

 

9.

 

keep your kids inside 

I'm not sure it'll help 

but all the other parents will judge you if you don't 

it's just the entertainer 

he's here to earn the name 

can you believe people pay to see scary movies? 

1-3 (of 17)

1.

I pull my face from the sink 

washed in static 

the room doesn't know how to behave 

bends to suit my new mask 

 

2.

 

somebody is making breakfast 

I can't smell it but I can hear the clatter 

the stairs take me up, then down 

my whole family is in the kitchen 

it's not as big as it sounds 

Hey 

we had Christmas at your house once 

but you had fewer limbs then 

the eggs sound amazing 

crackling in perfect rhythm 

 

3.

 

I'm bored 

my little castle and my little rocks and my little friends 

to somebody else this might be beautiful, but not me 

I am immune to beauty 

but I'm not immune to weird 

only breathing with the top of my lungs 

bubbles meander up 

away

 

 

Dermatillomania

"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Your fingers. They're always messed up."
"Oh, yeah, I know. I don't know why I can't leave them alone. I think maybe it's an anxiety thing."
"What anxiety?"
"Just general life anxiety? You know me."
"Doesn't it hurt? It looks like they bleed."
"They do. It hurts, kind of, but it's mostly just annoying. Like I'll be picking at a thumb and somebody will want to shake my hand and I'll have to be weird about it. Can't go around getting fluids on my acquaintances."
"Why don't you just stop?"
"I would if it was just a conscious thing. I usually don't realize I'm doing it until I feel blood on my fingers or running down my hand. Movies are the worst. TV too, but movies especially. I have to move, have to keep myself busy, too fidgety, always end up coming out of a theater with shredded cuticles. When I was in middle school, I remember once, I was off in space during a science class. I liked the teacher and the class. We had a pretty good relationship, and this was back when I was still a good student. I got bored and my thoughts wandered off, but by the end of class I'd torn off half of my thumbnail. It was probably my left hand? I was bleeding pretty bad, we had paper towels in the room, one of the machines with the handles you could really crank to get a whole lot at once. I ran out with my thumb wrapped in those rough, brown paper towels, the ones that were only a step away from tree bark. The ones you could almost hear crack when you bent them. I don't remember if anybody noticed or not but I must have gone to the nurse's office to get a Band-Aid or something. I used to have a lot of shirts and pants with bloodstains on the hems from where I would wrap up my fingers."
"But you still do it."
"Yeah. That's actually why I carry a handkerchief now. It's got little brown spots all over it."

Saints Row 2

"No, you're not doing it right."
"I'm doing it wrong?"
"No, you've got to, no, just let me."
"Don't tell me I'm 'doing it wrong.' Let me figure it out. You wanted me to try this."
"OK, you're right. The left one moves and the right one makes you look."
"Why can't I see anything?"
"You're in a corner. You've got to move the right one around so you're looking out."
"This is hard; he just looks all over the place. I want to look through the doorway."
"This is like the easiest possible part. Move the stick that way. There, up, right. You can't just push it all the way to the edge all the time; it makes it move too fast."
"I can't make it through, he just gets stuck on the edge."
"Your thumb isn't pushing straight up, it's diagonal, just push it right a tiny, tiny bit and then push it forward."
"OK, now what."
"Well, there are no open doors or anything so you just have to go to the end of the hallway."
"I want to go in these cells."
"You can't, they're locked and there's nothing in them anyways."
"But how do you know? Can I find like a control panel and open them up? Or are--"
"No, you just can't, you're not supposed to care. This is a prison break. You're supposed to be in a hurry."
"Do they make ones where you can do stuff like that?"
"Yeah, but this one is more about action and being ridiculous and playing around in the city. You're supposed to have a lot of freedom."
"Then why can't I open--"
"Because this is just the beginning, you're supposed to already know all this and just blow through it. It's part of the language everybody has absorbed by now."
"OK. Now what."
"You've got to kill that guard."
"What! Why?"
"Because you're an escaping convict. Motivation isn't really important right now, this isn't even really the beginning of the story. You just have to get out of the prison."
"Why am I doing it if it's not important?"
"They just decided to start it this way; you have to get through it to get to the interesting parts. This is supposed to be fun."
"It's frustrating."
"Just walk up to him and pull the right trigger until he stops moving."
"I don't want to do this. Why does it have to be so violent."
"I don't know, that's just how they are. They don't have to be."
"Why would you think I would like this?"
"I don't know. I thought it would be fun."